Marriage and Money!

by driveit Thu Sep 25, 2014 1:28 pm

Looking for advice guys. Seems like me and the wife have been into every other day recently about one thing or another. It usually revolves around money. I feel like I am ready to just give up on everything. Sell my car and get a honda or something.

Hit me with something guys, good, bad, ugly I don't care, just give me somethin...

by 77mali Thu Sep 25, 2014 2:26 pm

"For better or worse, in sickness & in health", etc.

Just celebrated 25 years. We've battled BIG over the years on various issues including finances, kids, family, etc., etc., etc. It's all part of the deal. You need faith in your relationship & faith that things will work out. Buy her some flowers or some other little gift just to assure her (you'll score points!). Little things go a long way- despite rumors to the contrary, women are very forgiving.

by Mcarlo77 Thu Sep 25, 2014 3:12 pm

77mali wrote:"For better or worse, in sickness & in health", etc.

Just celebrated 25 years. We've battled BIG over the years on various issues including finances, kids, family, etc., etc., etc. It's all part of the deal. You need faith in your relationship & faith that things will work out. Buy her some flowers or some other little gift just to assure her (you'll score points!). Little things go a long way- despite rumors to the contrary, women are very forgiving.

Couldn't agree more!

However, there's no denying finances are at the top of the list of things married couples quarrel most about. When things are tight, it's stressful when both aren't on the same page with spending, sacrificing, financial priorities, etc. Is it possible she's feeling some resentment in that the Chevelle seems like a frivolous, money-pit toy to her while she's busy trying to figure out how to make ends meet each month? If so, maybe back off on all the talk about how you're going to "build" the car and reassure her you've got her's and the family's needs ahead of your desire to enrich your life by building the car. As for a daily driver, they don't get much cheaper to maintain or insure than these cars...aside from the gas consumption. Just talk with her...and, let her know she and the kids are your true priority in life. And, like Paul said, women love gifts...no matter how large or small. Us guys don't get it...but, it means everything to them. They just want to know they are still special enough in your eyes to make the time or effort.

by driveit Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:03 pm

I agree with both of you. The car has came up a few times and how uneconomical it is, but I have touched it or done anything to it other than brakes for a while. I thought about flowers, but I am totally broke. I mean, I have nothing right now. I borrow money out of my sons piggy bank this morning for gas. I will repay it tomorrow when I get paid. Then I am broke again. This is where it all starts over. It is a vicious cycle.

by driveit Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:08 pm

Might buy one of these when they come out. 84 miles highway! 49 City! less than 7000.00 new.
Marriage and Money! Screen-shot-2014-02-25-at-3.50.48-PM-676x406

Marriage and Money! Elio11_interior2-541x406

http://eliogenuine.eliomotors.com/?utm_campaign=elio-launch&utm_medium=display&utm_source=bidmanager&utm_content=us-ct-al-v1-ba-s160

by Joe73 Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:21 pm

Hate to get t-boned in that.

by driveit Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:03 pm

It has a race car type roll cage in it. Supposed to be very safe. It has 50% more material in all of the crush zones that any other car. Nearly 600 miles on an 8 gallon tank!

by driveit Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:08 pm

Anyway. The wife still won't talk to me. Been mad at me since this morning. All because I was trying to do my design and she was wanting to talk about a potential job. I told her already that I had a deadline to meet and I tried to give her all morning. She wanted me to sit by her and talk about it. I was sitting across from her doing my design. I said I need to get this done, I am listening if you want to talk. I said this is like a job to me and I needed to get it finished. Hind sight is 20/20. I should have put her first and just advised that client that it would be a little later than expected. I need to give her more attention I guess. Wish life was more like an old car. Something breaks you fix it and go on. Not that easy.

by 77mali Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:27 pm

Suck it up & tell her you're sorry. Tell her exactly what you just wrote- if you haven't done so already. Give her the time she needs to discuss things, a good woman just wants to feel important and "paid attention to". Sometimes just let her talk & sit & listen (really listen that is, not just the "Uh-Huh's"-LOL). Sometimes asking "How was your day", can be good stress relief for a young Wife/Mom.

by dynchel Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:33 pm

I would definitely get flowers & a maybe a card. Follow Steve and Paul's advice... I wanted to help but I couldn't come up with anything better than they already said. BTW I've been married for 14 years so I know what they said is very legit. Good luck John

by driveit Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:54 pm

Thanks guys. I just needed to vent a little myself.

If she is still mad tomorrow I can go for the flowers.. lol Too broke today...

Thanks again.

by pila Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:46 pm

I'm very lucky in my marriage, and on the 4th of Oct it will be 39 years (this time around) Money is always a struggle these days, and for us it went downhill big-time when the wife was in a bad wreck on the way home from work (RN) in 2003.
Income went in the tank, because she had head injuries & couldn't do her job anymore, so now she is on disability & I'm on SS, plus some aviation work.

So, many of us have to pick away at projects as money becomes available. My Elco project is now at 5 1/2 years, & not really done yet, because it takes money !!
The family is ALWAYS in first place though, and keeping the wife happy is a priority Very Happy

.....

by thatfnthing Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:12 pm

driveit wrote:Anyway. The wife still won't talk to me. Been mad at me since this morning. All because I was trying to do my design and she was wanting to talk about a potential job. I told her already that I had a deadline to meet and I tried to give her all morning. She wanted me to sit by her and talk about it. I was sitting across from her doing my design. I said I need to get this done, I am listening if you want to talk. I said this is like a job to me and I needed to get it finished. Hind sight is 20/20. I should have put her first and just advised that client that it would be a little later than expected. I need to give her more attention I guess. Wish life was more like an old car. Something breaks you fix it and go on. Not that easy.

Dude, this is very simple. NO job and NO customer is ever more important than your wife. Period. You married her, not them, and she's the one who will be with you when they no longer are. It's important to honor your commitments to jobs and customers, yes, but never more important than your commitment to the one you married. So if she needs to talk, you put everything else aside and you talk -- or more importantly, listen. The job can wait a little while and no one will die over it.

by chevellelaguna Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:41 pm

Sounds like my marriage of 13 years, I wouldn't trade it for anything. however, it is about family first and compromise...."happy wife, happy life". When I have time to work on my car something else comes up, when I have money to put into it something else comes up. It's the same for everyone. Trust your instincts, think before you speak. Just be honest and apologize for being a jerk and not putting her first. We've all been there. Pride is a tough pill to swallow....the pill gets bigger the more days go by without an apology.
Hang in there...were all in this together.
"I'm a man
But I can change
If I have to
I guess."

by Laguna Budman Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:08 pm

Haven't posted in awhile but 22 years strong 4 kids and been there done that! Quoting my wife "screw flowers they die" "write me a cute note" so now I have crayola erase able markers that I use to write little notes on the bathroom mirror. I get up earlier so I leave notes often and it makes her smile. Also like others expressed listen to what she has to say about her day it goes a long way. Good luck, things will work out. Do your part and make it happen

by Limey SE Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:43 pm

Laguna Budman wrote:Haven't posted in awhile but 22 years strong 4 kids and been there done that! Quoting my wife "screw flowers they die" "write me a cute note" so now I have crayola erase able markers that I use to write little notes on the bathroom mirror. I get up earlier so I leave notes often and it makes her smile. Also like others expressed listen to what she has to say about her day it goes a long way. Good luck, things will work out. Do your part and make it happen

hang in there my friend ! I know all to well the difficult times can be taxing on a relationship, In the last 1.5 years I have had a nervous breakdown, thought of suicide on several different occasions and what has pulled me thru this is My lady OF 13 years, been engaged for 12 of them, was gona get married then first child, save for a few more then second child. Now 13 years later we are still together and the trying times we have had has just made us that much stronger, What I am trying to say here is ONE THING, Cars will come and will go but your Wife ( AND GOD )will ALWAYS be there. That's why My SE has Sat for long as it has is Life happens and you make the best of what you can, And both of us Losing jobs and Finally Finally we are back on track with Good Jobs now.

Never take one second together for granted and as mentioned Flowers die treat her with your Affection instead !!

by ant7377 Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:22 am

Take my advice. DONT do other stuff while shes "talking" to you. Really pisses them off. God bless my wife 15 yrs now. I would have kicked myself in the A$$ by now. We talk to each other and support each other just that helps alot make each other laugh too! Very important.

by driveit Fri Sep 26, 2014 3:12 pm

Thanks for all of the tips guys. We are back on better terms. Had a few talks and didn't touch the design at all yet. I hope to get back into it tonight after her and the kids fall off to sleep. I like the marker on the mirror Idea, consider that stolen. I've done a lot of praying and I am making some changes. Thanks again.

by Wallyuph Sat Sep 27, 2014 8:50 am

Been married for 28 years, Lucky I have a wife that gets the car thing also. One day we were discussing her work and I was giving advice. Then she blurted out "I don't want you to fix my problem just listen to me" Best thing she ever said to me. From that day forward I have asked her to just tell me things that bluntly as a guy we want to fix things. Women don't think the way we do. If she has a problem she is talking about I now ask are you looking for help on this or would you just like to talk about it with me? Also here is a free thing you can do. Next time you are discussing some thing with her. A few days later ask her how what ever you were talking about went or is going. That way she will know you are listening and you heard what she was saying. Also give her you "undivided attention" when discussing things. We all want that for our spouses.

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